Partners After Ex Contact - Avoidance Patterns & Rebuilding Trust

In this week’s #AskTheTherapist, a young man writes in after a painful reveal: his girlfriend admitted she still had feelings for an ex — and for months, he didn’t know they were in contact. What stings isn’t only what happened with the ex. It’s the pattern underneath it: avoidance. (Hers *and* his.) When you make this a story about the “other person,” you can miss the real question: What happened between the two of us? Why didn’t he bring up his suspicions? Why didn’t she bring up her ambivalence? As I explain: “Avoidance is a way to manage immediate discomfort without addressing the underlying problem.” In the column, I share what repair actually requires if you want trust to be more than faith. 🔗 Read my advice in The New York Times: bit.ly/3PtiHyF ✉️ Submit your question: [email redacted] 🔔 Subscribe to the column: bit.ly/4mZtJaN